Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
