I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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