Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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