She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
