How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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