What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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