she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
