Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
