I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
