Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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