bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
