my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
