I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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