Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
