everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
