I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
