so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
