i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
