by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
