Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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