You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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