True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
