Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
