wrigley field is MILF paradise
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
