On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
