He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
