Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
