i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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