when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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