i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
