i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
