Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
