It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
