I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
