need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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