Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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