smell my finger.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dicks are not precious.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
