i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
