I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
