I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
