You just made me feel so damn special
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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