Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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