Sponge bath it is.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
