I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
