did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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