I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
