its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
