I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
