it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
smell my finger.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
