I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
