I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
