Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
