What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
