it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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