Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
