Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
